rambling from mom part 2

I know I don't do much rambling on my part on here. But there have been just 2 time so far I have needed to just get something out. Things I don't won't to forget but have to do with my family. So this is another rambling...and that is just what it is...a rambling! You can read my first rambling if you are bored and have nothing else to do. :)

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So, I know that right now in this phase I am in, (being 25 weeks pregnant) I am one emotional person. Anything can set me off to crying, or feeling stressed, or worrying about every little thing, or even just being upset. But the main thing that has really gotten worse since being pregnant is the mommy guilt. Does anyone know what I am talking about?? You know...as you're lying in bed at the end of the day, reflecting on that day's happenings, you begin to feel guilty. I have always done this. I try not to. I try to always tell myself that I am not perfect (hard to believe that right?) and that I am a great mom and Luke is such a good boy that he had to learn it somewhere right? But still....there's just that part of me that feels bad about certain things. Like, I wish I wouldn't have screamed his name when he was throwing a tantrum because I couldn't control myself or I wish I wouldn't have checked that last email and just sat down and played with him like he asked me too. All kinds of things like that. (if you know me, you know I can feel guilty for almost anything.....anything....I hate that!)

It makes me want to cry right now as I sit and type this. As I was laying in bed the other night dealing with my mommy guilt, I was asking why in the world am I feeling it this bad?!?!?! I mean usually I can get over it, and go on. Well, go to sleep. and move on to the next day. But I think I came up with why it's hit me so hard all of a sudden.

I only have 3 or less months with just my Luke. 3 months to do all I can with just him. And it's time that I know I will never have again. Ever. This is it. This is all I have left of just him and me playing, reading, watching movies, going places with just the 2 of us. Soon, I will be a mom to 2 boys. 2. and Luke won't get as much attention. He will have to wait while I need to change his brother, or feed him, or do anything else a newborn needs. and for that I feel so bad. It's stupid I know. I tell myself that all the time. Other people tell me that it's normal to feel this way. But I just can't seem to shake it. I don't know how many nights I have gone into his room after he has been asleep and just sat there and looked at him. Just watching him sleep. And wondering how his little world is going to change.....

Before everyone tells me again that it really is normal to feel like this. I know that giving Luke a brother is probably one of the greatest gifts to him. They will grow up buddies. Friends. Playmates. and he will never regret he has a brother. (he may wish he didn't have one at times...but he won't regret it) and I know we won't regret having our two boys. We have so much to look forward to in the next few months and years as we watch our boys grow up and become best of buds. God has truly blessed us. This is what we wanted.

But, I still can't help but feel that guilt. That guilt of taking his time away from me and his dad. And his grandparents for that matter. Oh boy....I don't want these months to fly by. But at the same time I can't wait to meet our new son. Luke's brother. I guess I feel it so much too because we have really seen more and more of Luke's personality come through the past few weeks. He is such a sweet, sensitive little guy. I mean come on, he cries when he watches Finding Nemo, or Ice Age, and he even teared up in Kung Fu Panda last night! I guess I am just worried we will hurt his feelings as D-Day approaches. That breaks me heart.

Anyway, I guess this truly is a rambling on my part. So I will stop now before I get a headache from crying. But if you think about us, or me for that matter, will you please say a prayer that my heart feels peace and not so much guilt?? I know I'm not perfect, and as a mom, their will always be that mommy guilt. But I wish it wasn't hitting me so hard right now!

whoo hoo! OUTSIDE!

It has been way too cold to go outside here for a while now, except for a random day here or there, and on Sunday we had had enough of being inside. So we all bundled up, Luke put on his new size 8!! boots and out we went for 30 minutes. It barely snowed, but it was enough for Luke to feel like he was doing something cool when leaving foot prints. He had a blast! and it was good to get out and get some fresh air.





Riding on his 4 wheeler....well....he might be getting a bit to big for it now! He didn't care though. He was outside!

And then THIS is the reaction we got when it was time to come in for lunch. Poor guy....what a tease to go out and play for just a short time.

Of course today it's snowing like a blizzard out, but that is even better because hopefully it won't be too cold that we can go out for another 30 minutes and leave some more footprints! Stay warm everyone!

oh my silly boy...

Luke has become quite the independant little man lately, especially when it comes to putting his clothes on. I will try to do it for him and he will say "no, no, no, NO, GUKE!!!!!" as in Luke will do it. So, I let him. and sometimes it makes life very interesting. Sometimes it takes an extra 10 minutes to get out the door, or pants and shoes go on backwards. But hey, how else will he learn right?

But this is by far my favorite thing he does.



Can you tell what he does? Oh yes....he turns that little sock inside out and wears them like that....all day. And doesn't even care. I love it. So, "GUKE" if you want to do it honey, that is fine by me.....cause you are too darn cute!

hanging out with daddy...

Thanks for spending the day with us Daddy!! LOVE YOU!

well,

I needed a new background for my blog. And saw the trains and thought, hey, this is Luke's new obsession...we'll try that. But now I fear it's hurting my eyes! I am in the process of finding another free one. I'm just not in the mood to dig around another site to find one. And my little peanut is moving around like crazy telling me he wants me to eat some cheese and crackers....so off I go to snuggle on the couch with hubby and watch a TV show. Sorry if it hurts your eyes. I will try to fix it tomorrow!

All BOY

Friday, Luke had a little accident. He is totally fine, but it just goes to remind me that anything can happen at anytime....and well, boys will be boys I guess.

My mom came over to help assemble his train table she got him for Christmas, we were short pieces, and had to come up with some new tracks so they all connected. Anyway, I (yes, I know I shouldn't have done this...especially being 23 weeks pregnant...but I needed a better view!) stood on our ottoman in the living room to get an aerial view of the train track to see where we could move pieces to make them all fit. Well, Luke decided he wanted to stand up there too, so, I let him. As I was getting down, and starting to move some pieces on the track, Luke fell. I don't know how it happened, or what the heck he was doing....maybe playing superman or something off the ottoman?? But he fell head first and hit his little chin and neck right on the edge of the train table. The edges are rounded, so he didn't get a puncture or anything, but he did have a fairly good size scratch, and it popped up right away. and he SCREAMED.

Now any other time when he has fallen pretty hard, he can usually calm himself down pretty quick. But, it took him about 40 minutes to calm down...and even after that if you talked about it or tried to look at it, he would whimper and kinda push on his neck like something was still hurting him. soooo.....mom and I debated and debated on what we needed to do. ER?? or wait for the doctor to reopen after lunch. (It happened a little after noon and the doctor is closed between noon and one for lunch....go figure something would happen when they were closed!)

so by the time we got him calmed down and getting ready to head out the door to the ER it was close to one. So we headed towards the hospital and fortunately our doctor's office is located in the hospital so I walked in and asked if he could check him out, just to make sure he didn't break his jaw or hurt himself in some other we didn't know about.

He came out totally fine. The doctor said he could have maybe used one little stitch, but since the blood had stopped and everything, he didn't want to have to do one if he didn't have too. So, we are just supposed to clean it a little and put some neosporan on it. He also said he may have a little itty bitty scar there.

Poor little guy. I hate when things like this happen, it really scares me because you never know what can really go wrong and whether or not you need to really rush somewhere and get him checked out....or just wait it out. I am glad we took him to the doctor though, it helped ease my mind that he was okay.

I am sure there are many more moments in my life where this experience will happen again. Broken legs, arms, stuff that boys do. Especially now that we are going to be having 2 little boys. **sigh** Thank you Lord once again for protecting our sweet boy! and for making him so brave!

Oh, and if you ask to see his "booboo" he will happily oblige to show it to you. Boys! heehee.

More Pics from Christmas

So, I promise this is the last Christmas post, well, until next year. I wasn't able to upload pictures on to blogger for a while (stinkin Blogger!!) but here are the rest of the ones from our Christmas with the family.

Luke modeling some of his gifts from Grandma and Grandpa

Opening his presents from Aunt Kayla and Uncle Dustin

Okay...and this picture makes me want to laugh so hard everytime I think about them doing this!! Us ladies were sitting in the other room just chatting away about...I dont know even remember...life I guess when all of a sudden we heard our husbands yelling for us to come into the living room. We all go running in...well walking fast...and this is what we find.........................

Oh my goodness! They all took all their shirts off and were just chilling in the living room. Even little Jayden had his off. It was hilarious....and freakishly weird how they all look a like....even the babies! (and I am guessing Brandon is taking a bite of food in this picture....but he sure looks funny! heehee!)

Okay...back to wearing our clothes men...

our family pictures

It was a very nice day with yummy food and great memories with the family. Thank you for everything Grandma and Grandpa!! We loved every minute.

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Here are some pictures of Luke posing with his cookies and letter he left for Santa...

"You mean he's really coming?!?!"


"Oh puh-lease leave me my choo choo Santa!"

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and I wanted to write down some of the things Luke has been saying lately that have just cracked us up! (it's just so neat to here him talking so much more these days!!!!)

About 3 weeks ago....

I was laying down on the couch and Luke was eating a snack right beside me. We were talking about his "nummies" (his snack) and he leaned over to my belly, lifted up my shirt, and said, "BABY....YOU WANT SOME NUMMIES???"

Oh my goodness, I about lost my nummies.

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On Friday, at my OBGYN, Luke was able to meet the doctor that delivered him. And after we heard the baby's heartbeat, I leaned over and said,

"Luke, this is the doctor who delivered you! Isn't that neat?"

to which my doctor said,

"Hi, it's nice to see you again!"

then, out of the blue, Luke said,
"Hi, I'm Guke. I some nummies" Pointing to his snack in the chair.

I had never heard him say his name to anyone else but us before! It was so cute....and then I wanted to die when we walked out and the doctor was commenting on how cute he was and how pretty his eyes were, to which Luke responded with a "yeah." Like, "duh mister" he is cracking me up with his thought processes these days!

slacker blogger

Sorry to those that have been checking and checking and have seen no new posts. I have been a true slacker. The holidays are over now...Brandon is now officially back to work everyday....and I have still been slacking. Our computer upstairs isn't letting me get on the internet...so I have no new pictures of the rest of our Christmas and New Year's and such, so...just my writing will have to suffice for today.

Luke has seemed to really "grow up" these past couple of weeks. He is starting to talk more and more...and say more things which is a great thing. I think his speech once a week is really helping. We have our 6 month evaluation for that coming up at the end of this month, so it will be really interesting to see how he was 6 months ago and compare it to how much more he is doing now. He is putting more 2-3-4 word sentences together and sometimes even longer, but it's hard to understand because he talks so fast. He is even starting to use possessives and talking about himself. He has also learned a new sign "my turn" and uses it A LOT. He is repeating so much more now, of course, on his terms and when he wants to, but he is doing it! And trying to make all the different sounds. It's so neat to see his world becoming more exciting through his vocabulary. Man, I'm a dorky teacher aren't I?

It's like he has grown into this little boy now. He is taller, and outgrowing his clothes even from his birthday at the end of September. He even has put on 3 lbs since then too! It's crazy. He loves "choo choos" and "car cars" and could play with both all day long. He will also sit through a whole movie now! Just 3 months ago he couldn't do that....or wouldn't. His favorite movie he askes to watch every day is "Cars". and he likes to watch "Ice Age" over at my mom's house.

He has become very independant too. He can now dress himself, well, he still wants us to put his shirts on him, but everything else he can do. And if you start his coat zipper, he can zip it all up byhimself. He loves to do his hair, which entails wetting down the wildness and then putting hairspray on it just like daddy does. and brushing his teeth. This kid could brush his teeth all day long. He picks out his own clothes and some days, he will absolutely refuse to put on anything else but his jammies. I don't know how many times I have taken him out of the house with his jammie shirt on under something or just in his jammie shirt because I have learned to pick and choose my battles. Who am I to tell him he can't wear his "gicky" (mickey) jammie shirt over to Grammy's to have lunch? What's the harm in that? I have learned.....NOTHING! It is perfectly fine.

He is definetly 2. and people always call it the terrible twos, but we don't see it as that. He is learning who he is....what he likes, what he doesn't like, how to do things on his own, and how this crazy world around him works and what place he fits into it. It's amazing to sit and watch...and seriously over the past few weeks, it has unfolded before our very eyes. We still can't believe this little man is ours....our son....our big boy now. Blink and he grows. Blink and he learns something totally new he wasn't doing yesterday. We are loving every. single. minute.